Domestic abuse, and how domestic abusers are treated in society, is something that has affected me personally. It is not an easy thing to talk about because of how society is skewed towards the masculine perspective. “She fought back? She must have started it.” “She didn’t leave? She must have deserved it.” “She stood up for herself? She is the main aggressor.”
I read a book written by Lundy Bancroft titled Why Does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men after years of struggling with relationships that were controlling, demeaning, and unhealthy for me. I felt like this book was the only resource I had come across that actually helped me understand the struggle.
Unfortunately, my experience with domestic violence shelters, police, and counseling had also been skewed towards, “Well, what did YOU do to deserve it?” I don’t believe these people trying to help women out of terrible situations were inherently patriarchal, but our society is. And unless you are aware of that conditioning, you will bring it with you into situations were it continues to be harmful.
This issue has shaped the work that I do. The reason I have sought out alternative healing modalities for vulnerable (and poor) communities is because I HAVE BEEN THERE. Writing stories about women in these situations is my way to work through my own trauma, but to also help other women work through their trauma when other resources are harmful or out of reach for them.
If you have not experienced this kind of trauma, good. However, it is still a responsibility of non-vunerable populations to be sure to not perpetuate how abused women are treated in this society. Please take some time to view this video and Lundy Bamcroft’s work. This man’s work saved my life.
